||[02 Sep 2009|09:41am]
Dear Self Esteem,
How are you and where did you go? I think about you all the time and all the happy times we had. Please come back soon.
Miss you. xoxo.
|I'm full of smiles today
||[06 Jan 2009|08:59pm]
things could not be better.
i strongly believe 2009 will be a new year for me.
new experiences and new memories.
attending FIU now could not be more amazing.
i actually LOVE saying I attend FIU and not BCC. haha
i love finally being able to take class I'M personally interested in.
i love i changed my major from anthropology to nutrition.
im so passionate and devoted to it.
its comforting to know what i want to do for the rest of my life.
something i enjoy doing.
love learning about.
and believe in.
I want to slim down the world.
things with the boyfriend could not be more more magical.
Its that can't eat, can't sleep. reach for the stars, world series kinda thing.
and it feels incredible =)
my oldest brother (Joshua) moved away to Orlando to go to UCF.
I'm getting more and more into eating 'healthier', exercising, ballet, and getting interested in band again.
I played my flute for the first time in about 3/4 years.
it was, embarrassing, awful, and pretty out of tune.
I'm slowly, slowly growing out of my comfort zone in making new friends and actually hanging out with friends.
its going pretty shweet.
I also got my first parking ticket at FIU today!
yippie! I feel like a real student now!!
enough with the highrambling.
I hope everyone has a successful semester.
"Where there's a will, there's an A+"
||[12 Sep 2008|04:08pm]
I'm not settling this time.
and Im not going to rush it.
Im not going to stress over anything.
everything will follow into place if its supposed to be.
its my life and i finally have control over it.
I have options and Im going to take them.
edit: // I want you to know, it hurts and I think its pathetic that we don't hang out anymore unless your boyfriend is hanging out with us too. \\
||[11 Sep 2008|03:26pm]
everything is going pretty sweet.
school, work, and familia are going fantastic.
I've seen some old faces recently. Ryan Lasner, Jillian B, SallieMae, and Ryan Gilliland.
I work a Power Smoothie and it couldnt be more fun.
classes are super easy and I'm making a lot of friends on campus.
I got a 93% on my speech.
Im so proud of myself.
and I got a 100% on my math test!
being single could not be going better.
Im finally happy with myself, inside and out.
Im more free, independent, and happier than ever.
I just got done reading a book called, Why Men Love Bitches.
(thank you Jania Marie for recommending it, by the way)
it has just taught me to like myself as is, and has given me amazing pointers on relationships.
be independent.OH, AND GOGATORS.
know what you want, and the right way to get it.
be able to be ok by yourself.
be positive, think positive; and good things will follow.
Ive been actually studying and doing homework.
going to the gym 5 days a week and eating healthier.
I feel good and look good.
I believe thats all folks!!
I hope everything with everyone else is good.
'cause I got one hand in my pocket, and the other ones givin' a peace sign'
haha hurricane, my ass.
||[17 Aug 2008|11:51am]
I AM HAVING AN AMAZING DAY AND I JUST GOT UP.
details later but OMG.
i have been so happy one my last week of summer =)
who know, right? lol
|a very thoughtful wakenbake
||[27 Jul 2008|10:29am]
I HAVE GAINED 25 MOTHERFUCKING POUNDS SINCE IVE BEEN BACK IN PINES.
god damn, Ashley!
MY EATING HABITS ARE DISGUSTING.
THE LACK OF EXERCISE IS EMBARRASSING.
AND THE FACT KRISTINA'S GRANDMOTHER ASKED IF I WAS PREGNANT IS HORRIBLE.
I know I can lose the weight.
but getting back into the routine of exercising and watching what I eat is so tiring and so annoying.
I find myself using the "I cant find time to exercise" excuse.
but its true, yet pathetic.
I wanted a real summer.
sun all day and friends all night.
I go to school 6 hours a day, do homework, and in bed by 9pm the latest. lol. I feel like a grandma.
I can NOT wait until August 6th when my classes are over.
hell the fuck yeah.
but congrats to Arielle, who is having an amazing weightloss progress.
please give me some of your motivation.
I definitely need it these starting days. lol.
HOLLA @ LAUREN GREENFIELD.
we definitely will pool it.
and I was just wondering, do you have a pool at your house? I cant remember. lol.
also, when do you go back up to Tally?
Efforts with Kristina have been oh so much fun. =)
Mamma Mia was A-MAZING. I still have songs stuck in my head.
and who knew you were so good at playing pool? lol
dont go back to tally.
youre so much fun. lol.
just move back to Pines!!!!
in other news--Im great.
everythings had its ups and downs but it seems Im still hanging on.
|Ive been back in Pines for 2 months now. weird.
||[03 Jul 2008|06:39pm]
these last two weeks have been kind of crazy.
im kind of accepting the change with having a boyfriend.
everythings really working out.
kind of scary and comforting.
family, school, and money issues are going great.
we'll see how long all this good feeling lasts. lol
||[20 Jun 2008|10:45pm]
I never thought Id ever say this but boysboysboys. theyve become my life
so it seems a new one every week.
I just wish I had a close chick friend to talk to about all these boys and the mess Im causing them. lol.
but it kind of feels good going into these relationships alone.
with no outside advice.
we'll see what happens.
everydays a new day.
the boy this week is too fucking nice.
pays for everything, opens every door that we walk through, and has thee softest hands.
I cant believe David Hernandez saw me on my date tonight. lol.
it was kind of a big brother awkward moment.
well if anyone cares to know--the Love Guru sucked.
and I miss JaniasucksdickSanchez and I can not wait to see Arielle! =)
dont stress, dont stress, dont stress.
girl, you deserve nothing but the best.
|if Im just bad news, than youre a liar.
||[01 Jun 2008|02:34pm]
oh my goodness.
i called jania, kristina, tressa, gina, miranda, sallie, and matt to see if they wanted to see Sex & the City.
they either had work, didnt pick up, or were doing something else.
but this could be good for me.
seeing a movie by myself.
i have never once wanted to or had to see a movie by meself.
but this would be thing #2 i have done this week outside of my comfort zone.
the other one back fired and totally regretful but im glad in a way i did it.
but it really did mess with my emotions and confidence.
YOURE THE REASON NICE GIRLS LIKE ME HATE DATING AND ARE INSECURE.
YOU FUCKING TOLD ME WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR AND KNEW I WOULD BELIEVE IT.
I AM WAY TO FUCKING GOOD FOR YOU AND YOU ARE TOTALLY FUCKING MISSING OUT.
YOURE FUCKING LUCKY I EVEN GAVE YOU A CHANCE
yeah, seeing a good chick flick by myself might not be such a bad idea after all.
HE WANTS ME
i can not stop smiling
it feels so good to have the upper hand
GO SUCK A DICK.
yay for Gainesville this weekend.
the springs/roadtrip with the mother/ and get to see Elena/Justin!
||[29 May 2008|09:05pm]
like it couldnt get any weirder.
he was first friends with chrissy kilbride. lol.
the jokes on him, i have hpv.
|just a lil somethin'somethin'
||[12 May 2008|10:00pm]
I just got back from the gym and I feel absolutely, amazing.
remembering this feeling is the first step to getting back into my groove.
I really need to update.
this first week in Pines has been quite crazy.
-we had to put my dog, Spunky down the first day I got back. its been really hard and quite lonely.
-I started school at BCC for 3 classes. I guess its going pretty smoothly. Alyssa Alonso and Casey Truman are in my science class.
-Ive been keeping my self busy with new friends and old friends. shoutout to Jania.
this is it.
my new life in Pines.
make it or break it.
heres to losing more weight.
doing well in school.
making new friends.
and finding a job.
||[01 May 2008|05:27pm]
I dont know why but-
I CAN NOT WAIT TO MOVE BACK TO PINES!!
Im so excited.
its quite shocking.
I COULD NOT WAIT TO MOVE TO GAINESVILLE!!!
I am DONE with finals.
I am DONE with packing.
and I am getting SHITFACED tonight with my gainesville friends for the last time!!
ahhh Im excited to see Kris, Sallie, Gina, Tressa, Jania, and Matthew!
4 more dayzzzz
from living here,
ive accumulated 4 different boys shorts, 3 tshirts, 2 boxers, and 1 pair of pj pants.
and Jack's says hello!
|all in all.
||[28 Apr 2008|08:38pm]
I have 4 more days here in Gainesville.
4 more days of living on my own, doing my own thing, and still having no one to come home to.
Brians been back in Pines for 2 weeks.
These 2 weeks without him have been amazing and scary.
heres to free food, free rent, and new responsibilities upon returning!!
I've met some great kids up here.
and some kids who I regret and wanna forget.
I've grown so close to this hilarious kid, Justin.
He was in my history class and we ended up hanging out every day since.
It was a great change to have a guy best friend instead of a jerk boyfriend.
Im actually looking forward to Pines.
Im excited to get back into my science experiment (losing weight. lol.)
finding a job.
and attending 6 BCC classes this summer.
WOOHOO FOR GETTING MY AA DEGREE AFTER SUMMER.
(hello FAU or FIU in the fall)
I've also come to the conclusion I am a very independent old woman. (aka boring)
I hold things in, feelings&thoughts.
I deal with my problems and issues to myself.
I loooooove spending the day by myself.
tv. food. homework. sleep. smoking.
who needs friends? haha
yeah, I have a 2 bedroom apartment by myself and I dont go out anywhere.
things have gotten better.
ive gotten better.
Im pretty happy and content.
My Mom just came up and visited me.
it was too much fun.
She said she was really proud of me for having the apartment sososo clean and actually spending time with her. (it happens)
I just found out my Ethics final is ONLINE.
manohman, things keep getting better and better. lol.
AND FLAVA OF LOVE COMES ON IN 9 MINUTES.
aw, what a great day. =)
SOUTH FLORIDA, HERE I COME.
||[15 Apr 2008|07:33pm]
In Lakeland, Florida.
6 girls and two guys, picked up a girl (16 years old) and brought her to one of the 8 kid's Grandmothers house (who was not home) and beat the crap out of her.
She was apparently talking "shit" over myspace so the 8 kids decided to beat her up.
ages vary between 14-18 years old.
"dont hit the shelf"
|attention! attention! read all about it!! HOT OFF THE PRESS!! LOL
||[03 Apr 2008|12:29am]
did anyone see that they're making a tv show on MTV called "The Paper" about kids @ Cypress Bay High School competing to run for Editor in Chief for the newspaper at school.
but pretty cool for it being around the Pines areaaaa.
March 14- another reality show....DUH
||[02 Apr 2008|08:10pm]
where to begin?
- my 19th birthday is in 3 days.
+ i move in 29 days.
-/+ I with drawled from one of my classes leaving me with 4 now.
++ i quit my job at Dunkin Donuts.
+------ im down to losing 95 pounds (and counting!!)
~I havent touched my fix in 2 weeks from today.
-+=1234567890-=/? and I just put my ex boyfriend in jail.
Im alittle scared to move back to Pines.
old friends are gone down there, but making more is looking pretty cool.
pretty hard, but pretty cool.
my old friends wouldnt understand me now any ways.
my mentality on life has changed, my lifestyle, and my attitude on issues would just scare, surprise, and dislike me now.
but i am what i am.
i am who i am.
and i do what i do.
no one down there understands.
its like I want people to know what Ive been up to, why Im really moving back, and whats really going through my head.
but i know it would only cause worrieness, rumors, and assumtions.
im not jealous for how great your lives have been going on.
but im still not going to conform to yours when i move back either.
get drunk, work at hooters, and wear skanky clothes.
you obviously love it, live it, and look good in them.
nothing will ever be the same.
were not friends, and we never will be again.
your lives in Pines are becoming one big cycle.
same kids from high school, same hang outs, and same clicks.
but whom am i to judge?
and im not, because what ive been doing up here is nothing to brag about either.
just because i put you down does not make me think im better than you.
i just think you kids can do better.
my life, my feelings and thoughts are not even worthy of talking about.
because you will all judge me, spread stuff around me between your friends, and will always throw my business back into my face.
I want people to know, I want help, and I know there are some friends who will help me and talk to me about it.
but then I get scared, who can I really trust?
this shit is scary, serious, and my life,
I dont want anyone to know.
I just want someone to talk to and to understand.
its hard doing this all own my own.
fighting everyday to not to call him, to not see him, to not want to get fucked up, skip school, and call in work.
but everyday it really is getting easier and easier.
I really am.
and if Im not fine now, I will be someday.
things will get better.
dont give up.
and better yet, dont give in.
Im starting to love my inside.
but the whole outside is another story.
I need to just love myself, inside and out.
being ok with being alone, being ok with being "average" weight, and being ok with not having any friends for a while.
ive hooked up with two guys this week.
they both have girlfriends.
why cant i find anyone single?
why cant i find anyone who likes me for me not for my outside appearance.
im FUNNY. im SMART.
guys think im so pretty.
i dont see it at all.
im not modest.
im just confident.
i hate being me.
but then i love being me.
i have a lot to offer.
youre so pretty.
youre so innocent.
youre so shy.
if these guys only knew---they really couldnt handle me.
im a horndog, I love chicken wingz, football, and only drink Steel Reserves (211)
and im a huuuuuuuuuuuuge druggie.
"i can find you adderall...just dont think im a drug addict" lol wtf?
oh you kids are so naive and have no idea.
its just so cute yet frustrating to have to deal with you kids.
i want you to want me.
i need you to need me.
and i beg you to love me.
Birthday Bonanza @ mi casa on Saturday.
|where did spring break go? lol
||[19 Mar 2008|03:01pm]
honestly if i could have anyones personality, body, and mind it would either be- Gina, Lauren Greenfield, or Vanessa Dominguez.
lol, just thought I would put that out there.
this week has been weird.
but i feel a lot better.
2 weeks in Pines, beaching it, laying out by the pool, and family time was truly fantastic.
I didnt think about you once while I was down there.
but hey- howd it feel for the first time to get my voicemail?
it wont be the last time either.
YOURE OUT OF MY LIFE.
and no, im not going to write you a love song. lol.
||[13 Mar 2008|02:29pm]
GINA- WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T WORK @ HOOTERS WHEN YOU MOVE BACK TO PINES.
|what a great night
||[13 Mar 2008|12:17am]
the hannah montana movie was awesome.
the chick Sallie & I went with had free regal passes. yeeeah.
but they didnt work for the hannah montana movie. booo.
so we selected a different movie that the passes worked for and snuck in to hannah montana. yeeeah.
only to realize you dont get the 3D glasses unless you buy a ticket for the movie. lol.
i was blown away none the less.
THE LAST TIME I FREAKED OUT, I JUST KEPT LOOKING DOWN.